.

Sometimes, I think loneliness is what I fear the most in the world. I can be surrounded by people, and yet I'm the loneliest person in the world.

People always seem happier, more content and settled than me. The advice I give to others, I never take. I think most people that meet me, like me. But none of them really know how jumbled my head is. I don't think I can be happy for too long - I just end up finding small faults to make me sad.

He has been in my thoughts a lot over the last few days. I even tried to think of scenarios to contact him. But luckily I found some inner strength and didn't. I do wonder whether he still thinks of me, and what he feels when he does. But the joke is, I don't even want him anymore so why am I wasting my time in these thoughts? Force of habit I guess - and it seems like I like being self destructive!

Maybe I am incapable of being loved as I am incapable of falling in love?